Perfectly Imperfect

**In light of the progress I have been making while I've been in therapy sessions for my anxiety and depression, I decided I am going to hit "publish" on this incomplete entry that I wrote WAY back in January. I think it is symbolic of and telling of the struggles I have encountered recently. Perfectionism is not something lighthearted for me- it is a crippling tendency that I am trying to detach from as it is rarely helpful for me! This is a personal experience and I know that not everyone can relate. But I am trying to relinquish the power these tendencies have had over me in the past and as Elsa would say, "Let it go, let it go!"

So here you go. A perfectly imperfect (and incomplete) entry from the beginning of 2017. I am sure I didn't finish it because I either A. ran out of the "right" words to say, or B. couldn't find the "perfect" time to get it done. Procrastination is one of my biggest enemies!!


January 11th, 2017
I've been posting to this blog pretty much since I officially became an adult... I think I started right around the time I got married. This blog has seen me through thick and thin, through so many different chapters of my life.

Lately I have been missing my blogging. Online journaling is a perfect outlet for me- I love to write my thoughts and emotions as a way to process them, and honestly my life is a pretty open book and I will share *almost* anything about myself to anyone ;)

Lately my eyes have been opened to something I have always struggled with, but it has been especially crippling lately.... perfectionism. Have you heard of it?

Perfectionism is not just someone who likes things neat and tidy, or having organizational skills, or having your things always in the right place all of the time. If this were true then I would not be "struggling" with perfectionism, because those things sound so nice! But my things are never neat and tidy, I am not really great with organizational skills, and I wish I could say all of my things are in the right place all of the time but the truth is that they rarely are. I guess that is why I struggle with perfectionism- I am constantly striving for this impossible perfection. I strive for it so hard that it is crippling, and often the opposite happens- my life turns into a giant mess of disorganization.

Ultimate Reset- New Dressing Recipe!

I have just had this dressing on my ba-zillionth 3-cup microgreen salad and it was AMAZING :D

It's super easy to make, too. Just throw all of the ingredients in your blender or food processor, and store it in the refrigerator until you've used it all up.

*tip: I store mine in individual serving sizes so they are easy to grab and go!












Here is the recipe I used. Enjoy!

Creamy Garlic Dressing

(makes 8 servings, 2 Tbsp. each)

1/2 c. extra virgin olive oil

1/4 c. apple cider vinegar

3 garlic cloves, crushed

3 Tbsp. lemon juice

2 Tbsp. fresh parsley

1 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. dijon mustard

1 Tbsp. raw honey

Cucumber and Tomato Salad: RECIPE

A few months ago I did a 3 Day Refresh from Beachbody and it was amazing! It only lasted 3 days, I got to EAT my food (as opposed to most 3 day cleanses) and I felt awesome afterwards!

There were a few recipes that really stuck out to me, and I wanted to share one of them with you today.

The cucumber and tomato salad was fresh, easy to make, and doesn't have any crazy ingredients involved. It is especially nice to make in the summer when you might be growing some fresh herbs in your garden :D


CUCUMBER AND TOMATO SALAD
(makes 1 serving)

1 Tbsp. apple cider vinegar (or red wine vinegar)
1 tsp. balsamic vinegar
2 tsp. fresh lemon juice
1 tsp. extra virgin olive oil
1/2 medium cucumber, sliced and halved
1/2 c. cherry tomatoes, halved
1 Tbsp. red onion, chopped
1 Tbsp. fresh italian parsley, chopped
1 Tbsp. fresh basil, chopped
dash of sea salt

1. Combine vinegars, lemon juice and oil in a small bowl. Mix well to create dressing and set aside.

2. Combine cucumber, tomato, onion, parsley, basil, and sea salt in a large bowl.

3. Drizle dressing over cucumber mixture. Toss gently to blend.


Tips:
- Multiply this recipe by 4-6 and serve your salad at a party!
- Buy your herbs "lightly dried" in the cooler section of your grocery store. They last a lot longer than fresh herbs but pack the same kind of flavor as fresh!
- Allow your salad to chill in the fridge for 20-30 minutes before enjoying. This lets the flavors blend together better.

If you want more information on the 3 Day Refresh or any other Beachbody products, please contact me! I'd love to chat with you more on your goals and come up with a plan to get them done!

Everything is Just Right. Breathe.

I have been really working on my meditation practice each morning and evening. It helps ground me. My brain is loud and a little bit chatty, sometimes it is a lot for me to handle. Sitting in meditation helps me really focus on "right now" and then the chatter doesn't feel like too much anymore. 

Today I found myself being extremely self-critical. I woke up with a to-do list a mile long and I wasn't sure how to handle it. When I feel like I have too much to do, of course the first thing I do is think of all the things I have already done (or haven't done) any all of the reasons why they are so in adequate. 

Today I wanted to stop that negative self talk in its place. It is not helping me at all. There is nothing beneficial about it. It's not like I am providing myself constructive criticism. I am basically bullying myself into submission, and I refuse to do it to myself anymore. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy, and it can be pretty rough. 

My thoughts were pretty powerful ones this morning. I felt drawn to journaling them for some reason. Usually my meditation is a pretty intimate experience, but for some reason as soon as I was done I felt compelled to write this out. So here I am. Maybe my experience can help at least one person to not feel so alone. 

You talk too much. 

You can’t sit still enough. 

You’re too slow. 

You didn’t get enough done. 

You were too harsh with the kids. 

Just right. 

Just right. 

Just right. 

Just right. 

Just right. 

With each breathe, remind yourself that everything is just right. 

This moment. It’s where you are right now. And it is just right. When you are speaking to your kids, you will be just right. There is nothing wrong with you. You are doing everything just right. 

Breathe. This moment is exactly as it should be. There is nothing you need to change. No need for any judgement or harshnesses. With each breath, notice that this is exactly where you are right now, and exactly where you need to be. Everything is just right. 

The Master's Hammer and Chisel- the first 4 days!

Most of my followers might already know that I started a new fitness program this week. It is a Beachbody program called The Master's Hammer and Chisel. It is the first time that Beachbody has taken 2 of their master trainers and put them into one fitness program. It is a resistance training based program that focuses on 3 things: Stabilization, Strength and Power (SSP) and let me tell you, I am already in love with it! 

On Day 1 I did Chisel Balance. This workout uses 1-2 weights and lots of moves where you are standing on one foot, jumping from one foot to the other, and overall focusing on your core for stabilization and balance. I had to modify during the workout for most of the moves, and I didn't break a sweat, but the next day I could feel it in every one of my muscles (especially my legs and my core!)

On Day 2 I did Hammer Plyometrics. I will be honest when I assumed it would not be too difficult- Sagi Kalev is the trainer in this video and he is a really big guy! I assumed that his version of plyometrics (basically jump training) would be mediocre considering I assumed his size would limit his ability to jump. Boy was I wrong! This workout was the shortest but it made me break a sweat like crazy!

On Day 3 I did Iso Strength Chisel. This workout focuses on doing 3 sets of 10 reps each, with a 10 second hold in between each of the sets. So for example, you would do 10 sumo squats, 10 second hold, 10 sumo squats, 10 second hold, 10 sumo squats, 10 second hold. Then you would stretch that particular muscle group before moving on to the next move. I think this workout was my favorite so far, but my arms were shaking pretty intensely before I was done. This workout was the one that convinced me to try the new Beachbody Performance Line. I purchased Energize (a pre-workout drink) and Recover (a post-workout drink) and I will give my review on them after I try them for a few days. 

Day 4 (today) was a rest day. Autumn Calabrese (one of the master trainers in this program) emphasized strongly today in our Challenge Group how important the rest day is. She encouraged us to NOT do yoga, running, another program, etc. but to just let our bodies restore and recover from the intense workouts over the last 3 days. I did do 15 minutes of foam rolling, but I am not sure if that is considered exercising or not. I mostly wanted to massage my sore muscles and get them moving a little bit today to increase circulation. Today was my first day using my foam roller and I really like it!

Tomorrow I will move onto Iso Speed Hammer. The name of that one makes me a little nervous, but I am sure I will enjoy it. So far I have nothing but great things to say about this program. Most of all, I am excited to see how I feel after 60 days!

 

Sunday Morning Thoughts

I got up to my alarm this morning. Woohoo! This is one of my biggest goals this month. I have developed a habit of laying in bed after my alarm goes off, which means I inevitably fall back asleep most of the time. I also have developed a habit of moving really slowly once I am up. So if I am up at 5am, it is often 5:45 before I actually start my workout. Between the time I get out of bed and the time I press play for my workout, I only have a few things to do- go to the bathroom, drink some water, brush me teeth, get dressed. That is really it. On a good day this takes me 20 minutes. My goals is to have it done in 10 minutes by the end of the month. 

After I got out of bed this morning, I went downstairs and turned on my Insight Timer app. I did a 1 minute meditation on "60 moments" and then another 3 minute mindfulness exercise meditation. This was difficult because I was uncomfortable sitting on the floor with no cushion (I am going to start sitting on a pillow until I can find a nice sitting cushion for myself) and my dog kept coming up to me when my eyes were closed and touching my nose with her nose. Apparently she wanted some attention, or to go outside ;)  After my meditations, I found a guided yoga routine to listen to on the same app. This was great, because I have often found it difficult to do yoga to a video- I have to crane my neck or look up from a downward position to see what the next move is. And I don't like to turn the volume up too loud because my kids are asleep- this routine allowed me to do it from my phone in my pocket with my headphones in :)

Once I finished that, I got online to do some research. I have been wanting to study buddhism and see how to go about creating more discipline in my daily life. It is really interesting to me, and I was able to bookmark a few educational sites and resources to read later this afternoon. After that, I logged onto Facebook and checked in with my challengers in my online accountability group. 

As I sit here drinking my coffee and listening to my kids play, I have been thinking a lot about how to bring more discipline, consistency, and compassion into my life. I made a comment in to my coaching team about how I was already planning on being at a certain webinar next month- one that I would need to "earn" by successfully helping 3 new people change their lives with a new health and fitness program during the month on January. I didn't say that I would try to meet my goal, or that I was working towards my goal. I said that I would be there. Period. End of sentence. 

Yoda popped into my mind at that point. This is one of my favorite lines in a movie because it means so much to me. It's like this- imagine you are sitting in a chair at a table. There is a pencil on the table. You are instructed to try to pick the pencil up. So, you pick the pencil up. Did you *try* to pick the pencil up? No, you just picked it up. There is no try- only do or do not. It's that simple. 

I am really thankful for this shift in my mindset. I am ready for it to help me attract positive energy and do some amazing things in my life. 

Today has started off on the right foot for sure. I was disciplined enough to hop out of bed right away, and I got my "quiet mind" time in first thing this morning as well. 

Tomorrow I start a new fitness program, The Master's Hammer and Chisel. I really need to practice discipline and get out of bed on time every morning, just like I did today. Later today, I will finish my meal plan for the week and post it here when it is complete. Here's to a great week ahead of me! 

Learning how to meditate

I've been wanting to find a way to quiet my mind for some time now. One of my plans for 2016 is to find time everyday to sit in silence. I can pray, I can meditate, I can focus on a word. Whatever I do, I am going to find some time each day to sit in silence (or guided meditation)

I downloaded an app called Insight Timer and I love it! You can do your own meditation and set up for a bell to chime as you begin and as you end (that way you are not constantly wondering how long it's been, and you can come out of a deep meditation gradually if need be.) It also tells you when you are finished how many other users are meditating at the same time as you and where they are around the world. It's pretty cool! 

Before my meditation, I did my workout. It was a cardio workout and it felt awesome. I am still on my endorphin high :) I am really excited to start a new schedule on Monday. I am doing it alongside a bunch of my friends and it feels great to have a workout plan for the next 60 days. 

That's it. Not such an exciting post, I know. But I really miss blogging regularly, so I have told myself to write anytime I think about it, even if it is a boring post ;)