Sean's Birthday 1/25/10

It has been hard for me to think about writing in my blog about the birth of our son and the hospital stay, because it did not go the way I had imagined. It was literally the best and worst week of my life so far. But I know how much our family and friends love and care for us, and want to know what has been going on. Also, it is much easier to explain it all in one blog entry than telling everyone who asks one at a time. I have been so emotional about the whole situation, but I am sure I will feel better once I get this all out.

Keep in mind things change in the NICU within hours, so I will tell you what has happened so far, and will try to keep my blog updated along with that.

Our beautiful son Sean William Reed was born at 12:44 pm on Monday, January 25th, 2010. I was 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant (about 3 weeks before the due date), and he was still a whopping 8 lbs 3 oz and 19.5 inches long. I had placenta previa throughout my pregnancy, which simply means that the placenta was covering my cervix, so a regular vaginal delivery was not going to be a good idea- the baby is supposed to come out first, not the placenta, and doing so could cause the placenta to rupture before baby is out, which causes major complications for us both. So we had a scheduled c-section once we had confirmed that he was where he needed to be developmentally. I was scared to death of the idea of surgery, but I guess I may have been just as afraid of a normal delivery. I knew a c-section would be best for us both, so that helped to calm my fears. I won't go into any of the gory details of what you go through in a c-section, but I will tell you that I could hear my baby's roar of a cry before that had finished pulling him out of me, and I cannot even begin to express the emotions I felt through that entire experience. Hearing him cry for the first time, and seeing his beautiful face in my husbands arms is a scene that has been running through my head since it happened. A combination of pure happiness, love and adoration is the best way I can describe it.

After I got to look into my new baby's face and give him a few kisses, they had Mike take him to the nursery. They had told me that more than likely he would need some additional stimulation after birth to get everything working as they need to. C-section babies don't get all the natural stimulation of being forced through the birth canal as a vaginal delivery, so the nurses have to help to get things moving a bit. They filled me up with some sedatives after he left, and I am pretty sure I was passed out for the last half of the surgery where they sewed me back up. I remember being wheeled into the recovery room where they monitor me and my stats, to make sure that I am going to be fine after the surgery. I don't remember much because I was hopped up on pain killers and sedatives, but I do remember it felt like an eternity and I kept asking for my husband and son.

When I was able to move my feet and legs a bit, they finally wheeled me out towards my room. I remember seeing my husband standing in the window outside of the nursery, watching our baby boy with the nurses, and I was so happy to see him. The people wheeling me stopped in the nursery window for me to take another look at my son, and then brought me into my room. at this point, I was still fairly sedated, they brought me into my room and transferred me into my regular bed from the gurney. I was patiently waiting for them to bring me my little bundle of joy- I had been carrying him inside of me for the last 9 months, and already was missing him, after being separated for about 2 hours.

That was when the bad news came to me. They told me they were taking him to the NICU. I was told he still had a decent amount of fluid in his lungs, and they needed to get him on some more oxygen while drying out his lungs so he wasn't working so hard to breathe. Not too big of a deal I was told, again being that I had a c-section I was told it was not an unusual complication. A complication still, but not unusual.

From there I tried to be patient. I still don't remember much from that night because of the drugs they had me on. I do remember at one point telling my nurse I just wanted to hold him- I was jealous that my husband got to hold him and snuggle with him, whereas I was too weak in surgery to do much but give him love and kisses. I felt like my baby was taken out of me, and then just whisked away, all before I had any time to think about it or argue or complain. It was like my biggest fear come to life- he was safe and happy inside of me for the 9 months I carried him. Once he was out of me, he was so vulnerable, susceptible to any dangers that could arise. The nurse helped me into my wheelchair and took us both down to see him. I shouldn't have been out of bed yet, but I was so thankful to her for doing that for me anyway- I needed to see him . All I could see of my little man before that point were the fuzzy images in my head, and the pictures my mom and husband got on their cameras in the first two hours of his life.

I learned from my stay in the hospital just how scary it is to have a child in the NICU. His condition would be up and down, changing constantly within only hours. I knew in the back of my mind he would be ok- he was probably the only baby in the NICU that weighed over 8 pounds. He was probably one of he only ones there who was full term. I just kept asking myself, How did this happen? It's not supposed to be like this. I kept getting more and more worried as the days went by, regardless of his condition. I was so scared to go home without my baby. It felt so wrong, and depressing.

I was discharged from the hospital yesterday- my doctor was nice enough to let me stay the full 96 hours allotted for a c-section. Sean of course was still not stable enough to be discharged yet. But, we got the best news possible at that point, considering the situation we are in. Sean was taken off the C-PAP machine that was breathing for him on yesterday morning. Now he is just on regular oxygen. They are also starting to feed him. He is not ready to be fed normally yet, since his lungs are still getting over having so much liquid in them from before, they are taking it slow so he doesn't aspirate on the milk and end up back at square one. So he has a feeding tube directly to his tummy. I have been pumping breast milk and bringing it to the nurses, so he has been exclusively on that diet, which makes me happy. Also, because he was doing so well on Friday afternoon, the nurses told me it would be ok to hold him. Finally!! We were unable to hold him for so long, due to his inability to control his respiratory rate, they were trying to not stimulate him as much as possible. They only touched him to change his diaper and bedding, take blood and x-rays as necessary, etc. So it was a very big deal that he has been stable enough that we were finally able to hold him!

I have been home now for about 12 hours. It is strange. It's like I have to go back to my everyday life before a baby, but not really. He is not here to change my lifestyle, so I am still doing the things I normally did before he was born. But in the back of my mind I know where he is and am worried about him constantly. He really is doing very well at this point, but I also heard that often while we stayed in the hospital, just to hear that he would backtrack again hours later. So it is difficult for me to get my hopes up about bringing him home anytime soon. I know in my heart he will be fine- his condition is not an unusual one, and the doctors have been very positive about the whole situation.

Today my mom is flying back home to Oregon, and Mike's mom is driving into Lafayette from Austin. We will probably go to see Sean this afternoon after she gets here. I have lots of pumped breastmilk to bring him, and I want to hear how he is doing. Last I checked, I called at about midnight, they said he is down to about 30% oxygen and they would keep him there for a bit because they had quickly weened him earlier yesterday, from about 65% down to 30%, so they did not want to overdo it too quickly.

Here is some info on the condition he has. Basically, after the fluid was removed from his lungs, he was still having trouble with his breathing- he was breathing way too fast, so the doctors did an echo and U/S to see what was going on in his body. Apparently all babies hearts are set up a bit differently while in the womb, because they are getting their blood supply from the placenta and they don't need to breathe air. Once they come out, their bodies are supposed to take in a breath of air, which closes up a "hole" in their heart that they no longer need, now that they are not connected to the placenta. Since Sean's did not close the way it was supposed to, his oxygen levels are not where they need to be, hence the C-PAP breathing machine and the oxygen being supplied for him. Here are some links:

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/pda/pda_what.html

https://health.google.com/health/ref/Patent+ductus+arteriosus

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/patent-ductus-arteriosus/DS00631

I will try to keep my blog updated with how he is doing. I appreciate you for reading through my long blog post- I know it is a lot, but I wanted to have a record of it in my blog, and also explain myself for reclusing a bit for the last few days, even though everyone has been anxious to hear how Sean and I have been.

37 weeks

This should be our last pregnancy post, so let's make it a good one!

At 37 weeks baby is now considered full term, even though our due date is 3 weeks away. He should be weighing in at about 6.5 pounds and measuring about 20 inches in length (about the size of a small watermelon). His lungs are probably fully developed at this point, as well as his other systems. Baby will be packing on weight from here on out, and doctors will welcome labor from this point forward.

As for our baby Sean specifically, our amniocentesis test results last week showed positive for lung maturity. Also the ultrasound shows I still have a posterior placenta and previa, so our doctor scheduled the c-section for this coming Monday, January 25th!!! I can't believe I will only be pregnant for the rest of today, all day tomorrow, and come noon on Monday we will be holding this same little baby I have been growing for 9 months in our arms!! Mike and I are both so excited and ready and scared and anxious- every adjective you could think of (other than angry LOL) would probably describe how we are feeling at this point.

I went to the hospital on Friday for my pre-op appointment. They explained the cesarean section to me, told me what to expect, and all that jazz. I have to be at the hospital at 9:30 on Monday morning, they will have me sign the consent forms for anesthesia, then prep me for surgery at noon! The entire surgery takes about an hour, but they said most likely our baby will be out in 15 minutes. I am so excited and scared for Monday. I am so excited to see our baby in real life, to hold him and kiss him and love him. But I have never had surgery before, and hospitals make my antsy to begin with. I am soooo glad that Mike made it home this morning from working offshore to be here for the delivery- it makes me feel so much better to know he will be right there with me. Also I am so glad to know he will be able to experience his son's birthday!!!

I will probably be able to post again next weekend. I will try to have pics uploaded to facebook so I can link the album to here as well. We will probably be in the hospital until Wednesday or Thursday. My mom will be here from tomorrow until Saturday, so that will be nice. And I have such awesome friends here that have already made arrangements to make us food and help us clean for the first week or two that we are figuring this whole parenting thing out. Wow, It's just so unreal that come Monday, Mike and I will be Mommy and Daddy!!! How exciting!!!

36 weeks

The last week has been eventful! But first, let's talk about baby's development. Sean is about 20 inches long, and weighing in now about 6 pounds- babycenter.com compares him to a crenshaw melon. At the end of this week, he will be considered "full term" and docs will give the go-ahead to let labor go at anytime after that. Most of his systems are fully developed at this point, aside from him lungs, and his digestive system will kick into gear once he takes his first suckle at breast or bottle.

Momma is definitely waddling at this point, mostly due to the fact that hormones have cause all of the joints and ligaments to loosen, preparing for labor. And he has definitely gone through the "lightening" stage- dropped lower in my abdomen. Breathing is somewhat easier (sometimes) but I think my belly is noticeably lower that it has been, and my pelvic bone sure can feel the difference!

Now as for the chain of events that happened this week, I'll start by explaining Braxton Hicks, in case you aren't real familiar with what they are. They are basically false, or practice, contractions that most women experience, usually later, but at any point in pregnancy. Typically they are painless, but somewhat noticeable, because your belly gets hard as a rock and it can make you stop in your tracks and say "what was that?" At least, that's how they are for me. They are not signs of true labor, because they are usually intermittent, irregular, and tend to go away when you relax, drink water, take a warm bath, etc.

So on Wednesday, I was having these type of contractions all day. They seemed regular in the morning, and then sort of spaced out throughout the rest of the day. But, as I said, they don't hurt, so it was hard to tell if they were still there when I wasn't focusing on them. Also, my pelvis was hurting tremendously that day, and I literally felt like he was falling out of me. It seemed to worsen when I would have a noticeable contraction. So I called my doc to make sure I wasn't experiencing real labor. They told me with any regular pregnancy, they would have me go home from work, relax, drink water, and pay attention so I could time the contractions to see if they were still regular. But, because I still showed placenta previa on my last ultra sound appointment, they were concerned if it was true labor, and didn't want me to wait. So they advised me to go to the hospital and let them monitor me for a few hours, so they could see if it was real labor or not.

So we did that Wednesday night- they didn't want to check for dilation because of the placenta's location as well, so they just hooked me up to the belly monitor to measure contractions. I only had about 2-3 in the 3 hours we were there, so they checked to make sure I wasn't bleeding or leaking amniotic fluid, ran a few tests and sent me home. The next day was my regular OB check up, so my doctor said that it's still a bit early, and that baby boys lungs tend to develop slower than girls in pregnancy, so he really doesn't want to jump the gun and have a c-section too early. But he also doesn't want me to progress into real labor, because then we risk placental rupture, hemorrhaging, etc. So, he scheduled me for amniocentesis screening on Monday. With that they will also do another ultrasound. So they can check the placenta's location again, while testing to see if our baby's lungs are developed enough- if they are, they will probably scheduled the c-section sooner than later, because I will be considered full term in a week. If his lungs aren't developed yet, I am sure they will just be monitoring me to ensure I don't go into real labor, and wait it out a bit longer (probably 38 weeks). If the placenta has moved, then I think they will just allow everything to go naturally.

That last option sounded ideal to me weeks ago. But I have been mentally preparing myself for surgery since my 20 week appointment. If they tell me at the last minute that I am clear for normal delivery, I will be a little confused and a little bummed. It would be better to not have surgery, I think. But I have not mentally prepared myself as much as I should have for labor. So that will be difficult, and slightly scary for me.

The amnio test itself does have a possible side effect of inducing real labor- the nurse I spoke with said to go ahead and bring my hospital bag just in case. They will monitor me for a bit after the test is done, and if there are no signs of labor they will send me home and call later with the results. If his lungs are developed enough, and the placenta still has not moved, we could possibly be welcoming our little baby into this world sooner than we expected!! Part of me wants this to happen the most- I am so tired of being pregnant, and I feel like we are as ready as we will ever be, so why not? But I also don't want him to come out before he is ready, just to have to spend time in the NICU. So I have been thinking and praying about it all, and talking to little Sean about it. Hopefully he will help make the best decision for us both, and I will be sure to keep everyone posted!

On a lighter note, yesterday was my last day at AT&T!! For now, anyways. Until my leave of absence runs out. That makes me feel better- I can now get a few more things done before Sean arrives, and have time to sleep during the day. Booyah! We had a lady from the state come and help us install the carseat on Tuesday, that was pretty cool. Yesterday, Mike finished the letters for Sean's name and hung them over the crib. Our friends got us a cool under the sea crib toy, we were both pretty excited about that. Also, we got the frame for the glider chair from Mike's mom. Now we are waiting on cushions- they ship separately, and I think Mike said they are supposed to be here later this week. All we really need to get for his room now is blinds, and we are about done!

35 weeks

We're almost there!! At 35 weeks, baby Sean is still about 20 inches, and weighing in well over 5 pounds, about the size of a honeydew. While he isn't gaining much length at this point, he is gaining weight, a.k.a body fat. Right now, average babies are about 15 percent body fat, by his due date he should be about 30 percent. His kidneys and hearing should be fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. At this point, he is really just staying in there to get more body fat so he can keep warm outside the womb, and continue to allow his lungs to develop before he takes that first breath of real air.

As for me, I am so done with being pregnant LOL! And Mike apparently is too. I don't think I complain too much, but physically I am soooo ready to have my body back. I thought I was pretty much done with the whole swelling of the feet thing.... not so much. Now they actually seem to swell more when I am asleep, as opposed to before, when being in bed all night was my only relief to swelling. Also, my uterus is apparently up under my ribs at this point, which I can definitely feel! Baby is usually pretty good about not kicking me too hard or too often in the ribcage, but when he does it always startles me!

I have my 36 week appointment scheduled for Thursday (35w5d), and then I think we will schedule an ultrasound for my 38 week appointment. My placenta is still not in a safe place for normal labor and delivery, so he wants to check it once more closer to my due date. If it's still not out of the way enough to allow me to dilate safely, I believe they will schedule a c-section at that point, which I understand will be that week. So we may be welcoming Sean into this world in the first week of February if that is the case!

This next week, I have my last day of work to look forward to!! I am working Monday through Wednesday, scheduled off Thursday, then Friday will be my last day! I also scheduled half of a paid vacation day on Friday, so I only have to be there for 4 hours, yey!! I am so looking forward to being able to take naps during the day, and have that extra time to get everything ready for our new arrival. I am just crossing my fingers and praying hard that Mike can work a little more before the baby is here... My little bit of income was not much, but it was something, and it will be non-existent from Friday until the baby comes, and even then, I think for short term disability I only get 60% of my pay. So if you think about it, our financial situation could use your prayers!!!

Overall, I think we are both so ready to welcome our son into this world. I know we are in for a big surprise, and a lot of sleepless nights, but we are also in for the next lifetime of experience being parents, and I am so thankful for that!

34 weeks

Our growing baby boy is about 5 pounds and about 20 inches long at this point.... about the size of a cantaloupe. His organs are almost fully matured, with the exception of his lungs- they will continue to develop until birth. His testicles are descending into his scrotum at this point, and his fingernails have grown to reach the tips of his fingers. It's nice to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks with no other health problems generally do just fine- they may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and have a few short term health problems, but in the long run generally do well as full term babies.

I have been doing pretty well this week- went to the doctor again on Thursday for our bi-weekly appointment. He prescribed me some generic prilosec to help with the heartburn pains I have been having- earlier it was just acid reflux, and it seemed pretty bad, but Tums usually knocked it out temporarily, and it was nothing compared to what I have now! I am still just as hungry as I was throughout this pregnancy so far, but if I eat large portions of anything, there is no room for it so I normally throw it up, or it just hurts as I can feel it sitting in my rib cage- our baby is taking up the space where my stomach usually is. So I am forced to eat very small portions often throughout the day, and I can no longer enjoy anything spicy or too acidic. I have been having oranges, lime flavored things etc because I simply cannot cut those things out of my diet. But no more salsa, tomato sauce, etc until this clears up.

In other news, my good friend Katie, who was one of my preggo buddies, due January 10th, had her baby Luke on January 1st! He is a healthy 6 pounds, 1 ounce, and about 18.5 inches. He is a beautiful baby, and I got the pleasure of being able to hold him when he was less than 12 hours old! I am so excited for her and Carl, as we have been going through this pregnancy together, it's so exciting to know that her waiting has paid off! And it is reassuring to me to know that the end is in sight, and soon Mike and I will be celebrating the birth of our own baby boy : ) Luke and Sean I'm sure will be good friends, along with the other babies that our friends are due to be having in 2010. Now I am just a bit nervous- holding my friend's newborn baby makes everything seem so much more real, and I feel like there is so much left to do to prepare for the arrival of our little one, and not enough time to do it all!