It has been hard for me to think about writing in my blog about the birth of our son and the hospital stay, because it did not go the way I had imagined. It was literally the best and worst week of my life so far. But I know how much our family and friends love and care for us, and want to know what has been going on. Also, it is much easier to explain it all in one blog entry than telling everyone who asks one at a time. I have been so emotional about the whole situation, but I am sure I will feel better once I get this all out.
Keep in mind things change in the NICU within hours, so I will tell you what has happened so far, and will try to keep my blog updated along with that.
Our beautiful son Sean William Reed was born at 12:44 pm on Monday, January 25th, 2010. I was 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant (about 3 weeks before the due date), and he was still a whopping 8 lbs 3 oz and 19.5 inches long. I had placenta previa throughout my pregnancy, which simply means that the placenta was covering my cervix, so a regular vaginal delivery was not going to be a good idea- the baby is supposed to come out first, not the placenta, and doing so could cause the placenta to rupture before baby is out, which causes major complications for us both. So we had a scheduled c-section once we had confirmed that he was where he needed to be developmentally. I was scared to death of the idea of surgery, but I guess I may have been just as afraid of a normal delivery. I knew a c-section would be best for us both, so that helped to calm my fears. I won't go into any of the gory details of what you go through in a c-section, but I will tell you that I could hear my baby's roar of a cry before that had finished pulling him out of me, and I cannot even begin to express the emotions I felt through that entire experience. Hearing him cry for the first time, and seeing his beautiful face in my husbands arms is a scene that has been running through my head since it happened. A combination of pure happiness, love and adoration is the best way I can describe it.
After I got to look into my new baby's face and give him a few kisses, they had Mike take him to the nursery. They had told me that more than likely he would need some additional stimulation after birth to get everything working as they need to. C-section babies don't get all the natural stimulation of being forced through the birth canal as a vaginal delivery, so the nurses have to help to get things moving a bit. They filled me up with some sedatives after he left, and I am pretty sure I was passed out for the last half of the surgery where they sewed me back up. I remember being wheeled into the recovery room where they monitor me and my stats, to make sure that I am going to be fine after the surgery. I don't remember much because I was hopped up on pain killers and sedatives, but I do remember it felt like an eternity and I kept asking for my husband and son.
When I was able to move my feet and legs a bit, they finally wheeled me out towards my room. I remember seeing my husband standing in the window outside of the nursery, watching our baby boy with the nurses, and I was so happy to see him. The people wheeling me stopped in the nursery window for me to take another look at my son, and then brought me into my room. at this point, I was still fairly sedated, they brought me into my room and transferred me into my regular bed from the gurney. I was patiently waiting for them to bring me my little bundle of joy- I had been carrying him inside of me for the last 9 months, and already was missing him, after being separated for about 2 hours.
That was when the bad news came to me. They told me they were taking him to the NICU. I was told he still had a decent amount of fluid in his lungs, and they needed to get him on some more oxygen while drying out his lungs so he wasn't working so hard to breathe. Not too big of a deal I was told, again being that I had a c-section I was told it was not an unusual complication. A complication still, but not unusual.
From there I tried to be patient. I still don't remember much from that night because of the drugs they had me on. I do remember at one point telling my nurse I just wanted to hold him- I was jealous that my husband got to hold him and snuggle with him, whereas I was too weak in surgery to do much but give him love and kisses. I felt like my baby was taken out of me, and then just whisked away, all before I had any time to think about it or argue or complain. It was like my biggest fear come to life- he was safe and happy inside of me for the 9 months I carried him. Once he was out of me, he was so vulnerable, susceptible to any dangers that could arise. The nurse helped me into my wheelchair and took us both down to see him. I shouldn't have been out of bed yet, but I was so thankful to her for doing that for me anyway- I needed to see him . All I could see of my little man before that point were the fuzzy images in my head, and the pictures my mom and husband got on their cameras in the first two hours of his life.
I learned from my stay in the hospital just how scary it is to have a child in the NICU. His condition would be up and down, changing constantly within only hours. I knew in the back of my mind he would be ok- he was probably the only baby in the NICU that weighed over 8 pounds. He was probably one of he only ones there who was full term. I just kept asking myself, How did this happen? It's not supposed to be like this. I kept getting more and more worried as the days went by, regardless of his condition. I was so scared to go home without my baby. It felt so wrong, and depressing.
I was discharged from the hospital yesterday- my doctor was nice enough to let me stay the full 96 hours allotted for a c-section. Sean of course was still not stable enough to be discharged yet. But, we got the best news possible at that point, considering the situation we are in. Sean was taken off the C-PAP machine that was breathing for him on yesterday morning. Now he is just on regular oxygen. They are also starting to feed him. He is not ready to be fed normally yet, since his lungs are still getting over having so much liquid in them from before, they are taking it slow so he doesn't aspirate on the milk and end up back at square one. So he has a feeding tube directly to his tummy. I have been pumping breast milk and bringing it to the nurses, so he has been exclusively on that diet, which makes me happy. Also, because he was doing so well on Friday afternoon, the nurses told me it would be ok to hold him. Finally!! We were unable to hold him for so long, due to his inability to control his respiratory rate, they were trying to not stimulate him as much as possible. They only touched him to change his diaper and bedding, take blood and x-rays as necessary, etc. So it was a very big deal that he has been stable enough that we were finally able to hold him!
I have been home now for about 12 hours. It is strange. It's like I have to go back to my everyday life before a baby, but not really. He is not here to change my lifestyle, so I am still doing the things I normally did before he was born. But in the back of my mind I know where he is and am worried about him constantly. He really is doing very well at this point, but I also heard that often while we stayed in the hospital, just to hear that he would backtrack again hours later. So it is difficult for me to get my hopes up about bringing him home anytime soon. I know in my heart he will be fine- his condition is not an unusual one, and the doctors have been very positive about the whole situation.
Today my mom is flying back home to Oregon, and Mike's mom is driving into Lafayette from Austin. We will probably go to see Sean this afternoon after she gets here. I have lots of pumped breastmilk to bring him, and I want to hear how he is doing. Last I checked, I called at about midnight, they said he is down to about 30% oxygen and they would keep him there for a bit because they had quickly weened him earlier yesterday, from about 65% down to 30%, so they did not want to overdo it too quickly.
Here is some info on the condition he has. Basically, after the fluid was removed from his lungs, he was still having trouble with his breathing- he was breathing way too fast, so the doctors did an echo and U/S to see what was going on in his body. Apparently all babies hearts are set up a bit differently while in the womb, because they are getting their blood supply from the placenta and they don't need to breathe air. Once they come out, their bodies are supposed to take in a breath of air, which closes up a "hole" in their heart that they no longer need, now that they are not connected to the placenta. Since Sean's did not close the way it was supposed to, his oxygen levels are not where they need to be, hence the C-PAP breathing machine and the oxygen being supplied for him. Here are some links:
I will try to keep my blog updated with how he is doing. I appreciate you for reading through my long blog post- I know it is a lot, but I wanted to have a record of it in my blog, and also explain myself for reclusing a bit for the last few days, even though everyone has been anxious to hear how Sean and I have been.
4 comments:
Thanks for the update! We will definitely keep you three in our prayers! Good luck!!
Jenn: Thanks for posting this. I am sure that is incredibly difficult. Ash had an emergency c section with Lily because when her water broke Lily's head landed on the embilical cord and was cutting off her oxygen supply. She ended up being fine and never had to go to the NICU... but I hope your situation continues to get better. Be strong! and keep us posted on his progress.
Best,
Jon and Ashley Lefrandt
You poor dears! I remember when they took Grace away from me for an hour or so at the hospital to give her some shots, and it felt like an eternity. I kept walking past the nursury, trying not to weep, aching to have my baby back. I can only imagine then how you guys must have felt and now feel. I'm so glad though that the Dr.s are positive, and that little Sean's doing better breathing on his own. You've been in our prayers daily, and will continue to be. We'll give you all a call later today to get the latest. WE LOVE YOU!
Thanks for the update! I'm late in reading it, but my love and thoughts have been with you guys all along.
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