My thoughts: On growing up, and pushing one out of the nest

Sean was awake at about 6 AM this morning when Mike left for work. I have a (somewhat flexible) boundary that I don't get him out of bed before it's light outside, or before 7 am, depending on which comes first. Even though it was almost light outside, I waited until about 7 to go into his room and he had actually fallen back asleep. So here I am, dinking around on the computer.

I know I say it in almost every post, but I want to be better about blogging. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and lifetime events with my web friends.

I have been living in Washington for about a month now (26 days actually) and I am starting to finally settle down a bit. I have trying (not too hard) to find a job, but I think today I will try a little harder. I want to get back into the Dave Ramsey way of saving/spending again, and we kind of fell into some bad habits again with living so far away from each other, having to spend on moving expenses, etc. Now that we are settled and money will be more predictable, it's time to retrain ourselves to make our money work for us again! And in order to really do that, it's important that I find a job. Sean is older now so I don't feel as bad about working and having him in preschool. Plus, I am really trying to get a job at a preschool, so technically he will be going to work with me! It's better this way- I have experience in working with preschoolers, and most schools offer discounted tuition if you are employed there as well. So overall I think this is where we will all be happiest.

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately- way too many things to be precise! I tend to get stressed out and anxious easily, and then I have a hard time reigning my focus back in, so I can actually accomplish things. I think this is another reason why I enjoy blogging- it helps me to organize my thoughts. It's difficult to think about money/finances, getting a job, raising a toddler, and organizing life things all at once. I don't know how some people do it!!

But what I wanted to vent about today mostly is all of the changes we will be going through with Sean over the next few months. I think I am the type of parent who strongly believes in not holding my child back from his fullest potential. And I guess most parents would say that, but what I mean is, I am not afraid to push him out of the nest when I know he is ready, figuratively speaking. I find that nowadays, parenting in the norm is about letting your child show you he is ready before training to do things, like sleep in their own bed or on their own, or get rid of a paci, or potty train. I have been a bit of the opposite in that area, from what I see a lot of parents do.

When Sean was 4 months old, I knew he would sleep better if I could put him down in his crib without having to rock him for 20-40 minutes each time (I use the term "rock" loosely, because I was actually having to practically dance around the room in order to get the kind of movement he needed to fall asleep). So we did Ferber's method of "Cry it out," sometimes dubbed CIO. It worked pretty well for us. It was some of the most difficult nights I ever experienced. But it only lasted a few days for us, and really after day one he actually fell asleep at a few naps and at all of his bedtimes with no crying at all- he would just turn his head and falls asleep. I have absolutely no regrets about this decision- I never once "abandoned" him, as some like to say. I would hold him and hug him and tell him I loved him, and that it was time for "nigh-night" before I would set him down in his crib. I only put him to bed when I knew he was sleepy, I didn't do it at a specific time of day in order to force him into a "schedule." And after he was down, I would set a goal for myself to wait "x" number of minutes before returning into his room to reassure him that I was there. I knew at all times that he was full, dry, tired, and not in pain. I always reminded myself that once he was in the crib, I was committed at that point, so we always made sure to feed, change, give medicine if necessary, etc before bedtime/naptime began. And during my check-ins, they were always brief but loving- a soft rub on the back or belly, quiet shushing and a quick "It's time for nigh-night. I love you." before leaving the room. We used a paci, and each time if it was out of reach I would give it back.

Now that he is 1 and a half years old and has been a great sleeper (for the most part) ever since, I am thinking about our next "bad habit" to break- his beloved paci. He sleeps with one in his mouth and one in his hand. He only gets it at bedtime, and they go straight into the crib whenever he wakes up from bedtime or naptime. I am really wanting it to be gone before he is two, but part of me wonders if I should even wait that long. It only gets more difficult as they get older, right? He passed the 18 month mark, and technically that is when our doctor told us we needed to start weaning him off of it. I have read several things online that say to simply snip the tip of his paci off, so when he goes to suck on it, it serves no gratification. This way it's not as alarming as taking it away cold turkey, and usually it sounds like the child will eventually stop using it and forget it exists. I am hesitant to believe it's that simple, but I do like the idea of actually weaning, rather than just taking it away one day. Our pediatrician always compared it to smoking- he said it was their addiction, that made them feel good. Literally like a smoker and his cigarettes. So maybe it is better to find a way to wean him, and to do it soon.

The next two things on my list go hand in hand, and I think they are the true marker of when a child graduates into toddlerhood (or as we tell them, being a "big boy"). These things are potty training and moving up to a toddler bed. At first, I was only thinking of potty training- Sean has shown some signs of being ready, so I wanted to roll with that and see where it takes us. No more diapers? Yes please!! But then I got to thinking- I think it is downright mean and confusing to expect a child to cooperate with potty training during the day, and yet keep him locked up in his crib for 12-14 hours between bedtime and naptime. How is this encouraging independence in using the toilet? From my experience working at a preschool, pull-ups are just a glorified diaper that doesn't have velcro. It is NOT a step from diapers to underwear. When the child can actually feel what is happening when they go to the bathroom, that is their motivation to go in the toilet, rather than in their pants. Pull-ups take this away from them. Plus, when you put your child in a pull-up, you are basically giving them permission to "have an accident" now. I think this is much too confusing and sends your child mixed signals. If anything other than underwear is to be used, I think it should be some lightly padded training unerwear. Something to take some of the mess away, but not inhibit the feeling of wetness. I also have been using cloth diapers on Sean since he was about 4 months old, so I am probably a bit biased, as I would hate to start putting him in paper/plastic disposables again, when he has grown accustomed to having cloth on his behind : ) I hate to take too big of a stand on this issue, because this is my first child and I have yet to actually potty train him, so I am not one to tell everyone how it is or how it should be done. But I am speaking from my basic knowledge of child development and opinion on how to encourage and foster independence in them in each sensitive period of their life.

So there you have it. A little bit of what I have been thinking about the past week. I haven't really drawn any new conclusions from typing this into my blog. But I feel a little better getting some thoughts out of my head and more organized than they were before.